I feel like this post is going to be identical to all my latest ones, but this is a tough spot to be in!
I just don't know how to proceed. Do I apply to jobs that I know I can do but don't really feel passionate about? Do I start over? I feel like I'm supposed to have a great epiphany and discover an opportunity to do something that I never thought I'd do but it will end up being my calling. Or like, in this time of unemployment, I should travel and discover myself. I'm waiting for that realization of how I could do something great, but it's not coming. I watched the amazing movie of Julie and Julia. Julie hates her job and ends up taking a risk by blogging about cooking through Julia Child's cookbook and ends up being published. She had always wanted to be a writer. She takes this huge leap of faith and it ends up making her happier than ever. It's a movie, but it's based on a true story. So things like that can happen. I'm waiting for my revelation that will lead me to my dream. But it's not exactly hitting me. I don't know what my ultimate dream career is.
I guess I could always take time and travel, but do I really want to leave my fiance? Maybe I should take some of those trips that I've been wanting to take to visit friends around the country... but I don't have the finances to travel.
That's the thing. I don't think I'm financially stable enough to start over or do something for myself. I'm quickly running out of money! I can't just start over and push myself in a new direction without making money at the same time.
I'm picking up odd jobs here and there, but those cover things more like groceries, not rent.
Argh! I can't afford to be going through a life crisis right now! I know I need to head in a different direction than I was going in, but how can I possible afford to do that? I'm going to attend some night classes this Spring that covers topics of what I THINK are my passions, but I'm not sure. Still, that's a step but I still need a job to pay for living.
I kinda want to move back East. But I don't know why I want to. Do I want to because I genuinely miss it and am ready to leave CO? Or do I want to because that's where my family and friends are and I want to hide from life behind them? I can't tell. I know I want to move back there sooner than later, but Michael really really doesn't want to move back for at least another year and a half. I have to consider that, now that I'm getting married to him. If I went back without him, I don't think I could stand it for long. But it just seems so much easier to move back this summer!
I usually make the wrong decision for myself. I really feel like I don't know myself as well as others know me. Usually, I end up doing something that I've decided for myself and it really ends up being a mistake. I look to others and they are usually like, "I wondered why you made that decision... it didn't seem like it was up your ally." So can someone make the decision of what to do for me?!
I guess something is around the corner. Usually something pops up when I'm desperate and on the verge of giving up. I just want to know if something is going to show up because I'd rather not spend the time and energy crying and thinking about giving up.
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It is my understanding that the excuses to not follow your passions and dreams will only build as you age. Things like "I can't because I'm married/have kids/have a mortgage/am too old."
ReplyDeleteThis is it, Kim. This is the time you have to be doing what you want to do with your life. It's not going to get any easier than this to find your path, because stuff will only ever get in the way. That's how you find out what you really want to do: By seeing how willing you are to fight to get where you want to be in life. I think it's better to go all-out now rather than look back later on in life and think "If only I'd done something..." Try anything and everything you can to find your passions like your life depended on it. It's scary and it's horrible being out on your own, but you'll never grow otherwise.