Must...Catch... Up.....

I'm having difficulties with this blog... clearly.

Looking back on how I used to blog - I at the very least had one blog per week.  Now it seems like such a hassle but I consistently find myself thinking, "Hmm, I would like to blog on this..."  But I blog so little that I feel like everytime I log on I need to blog about everything that's been going on in life.  And right now, that's a lot of stuff!  Plus, the other thing is that I don't have many known followers so I don't want to make my blog private since that means only 4 people would be able to see it.  But I don't want to write much on a public blog either.  Sigh.

I'll just try easing back into it gradually...

First off, I've been struggling with work but it was noticeable because my boss initiated a conversation with me about what's been up and we ended up talking for 2 hours.  I was able to say EVERYTHING that was on my mind pertaining to work and all the things that I felt weren't working for me.  I was also able to explain that, contrary to my colleagues' beliefs, I did want to continue working there.  She told me that they really wanted to help me grow professionally.  It seems like I would give up on them before they gave up on me, so I feel supported.  I just have yet to feel caught up at my job and still don't feel like I have my job under control.  We're going to have some meetings about my development and what I need and how to plan out my schedule in complete detail... maybe that will help.  I admire everyone at my job for their high achieving and positive attitude, but it's hard to meet that standard.  A lot of my frustrations just have to do with this being my first real job and I'm not acclimated to how one acts professionally.  For instance, I have a problem with authority - I don't like to do things I'm asked to do if I don't agree with them.  Haha so I guess I won't ever be fully happy until I'm the boss of the world.  So things like this, I obviously have to just deal with and get used to.

Another big thing is that Michael and I went home to NC on an emergency trip this past weekend because his grandfather passed away.  He was a real good man, full of life and character and always treated me so well - always asked me about my parents and my state of Virginia.  He was so caring.  Michael's parents generously (not a big enough word) paid for my plane ticket so that I could attend the funeral.  It was an exhausting weekend.  I participated in everything that Michael participated in, which included standing in the receiving line at the viewing.  Total count of people in line to see this man?  350!  That's a lot of people to talk to!  I'd say half of them came over to the house throughout the weekend and each of them brought food.  I counted 20 individual pies and cakes alone!  The funeral itself was amazing.  It's weird to say it, but it was the best funeral I've ever been to.  Beautiful music, a chapel filled to capacity with people, wonderful words of remembrance and I read a poem to the congregation that Michael had written about his grandpa (which I edited with the family the day before to make it sound better as a verbally read poem, haha).  I stepped up to read it because the family really wanted it read but none of them felt strong enough to do it themselves.  Before I started reading, I announced how my grandparents had all died when I was really young and I hadn't been able to feel that relationship of a grandchild to a grandparent in a long time before meeting Michael and, thanks to his grandparents, they brought that relationship back to me.  After I finished my part, I allowed myself to be fully present in the moment and wept.

At the grave site, Michael's grandfather's old bluegrass band was there and played a few songs to send him off to, including "I'll Fly Away" and "Amazing Grace".  It was really something!  Then, since he was a military man, a bugle off to the side played Taps while two other military men folded up the flag and presented it to Michael's grandmother.  It was such a fitting funeral and took my breath away.

Okay, now you're fairly caught up.  Perhaps now I can start blogging on thoughts I want to capture in addition to events happening in life.

Current Wedding Date: February 26, 2011